No one ever wants to receive a phone call that tells them a loved one has passed away. It makes it harder to believe if it’s on the phone rather than in person. You can look at the sadness on a person’s face and see how deeply they’re grieving themselves about the loss. When a loved one dies, a piece of every family member dies with them. It was no different when my brother passed away.
Our family was not very friendly with one another after I reached about fifteen years old. We never had gatherings like we did when I was younger. Everyone seemed to distance themselves away from one another or stick among their own parents. My cousins quickly became distant associates while my own sister moved to another state. I felt alone even more so once my brother died. I tried for ages to deal with not being around anyone but my parents. I missed my family and the gatherings that we used to cut up and misbehave at.
When my brother passed away, it seemed like my family came together, if even for a few days. They were civil with one another and spoke in high standards when speaking of my brother. I was very attached to many of these people for several years until their bonds seemed to break with my parents. I did not say very much during the gatherings, I only listened because I wanted to hear and learn more than what I already knew, my family hated one another.
My brother’s passing showed me a new light on who I could trust in my family. Many of the people who showed up did not care much about him nor any of us, only wanted to make themselves look good in front of everyone else. In fact, several of the people who came to his funeral had not seen him in at least ten years. They knew nothing of his marriage, his son, or the fact that he was in the army and had just been promoted. All around he was a great guy to have known and an even better brother to have been born with.
Finding Ways to Occupy My Time
There were many nights that I wanted to sit outside on the patio but it was too cold to do so. After months of deliberation before the fall time set in, my husband and I decided to research propane patio heater reviews online. We knew that we would find some disturbing information about having outside heaters but we were willing to risk learning about what to avoid when buying one. It would allow me to sit outside and think as I stayed warm in that certain area. Other ways of occupying my time came from taking long hot showers and joy riding as some would call it. I liked to ride alone and listen to the radio or just think with the radio off.
My Ever After
I quickly learned that grieving day in and day out was not healthy for me nor my family. I chose to start trying to be positive and create a positivity within my household. I began to become cheery at the sight of my children laughing and carrying on, even the most innocent joke helped me to believe that everything was going to be okay and that one day I would be okay. In time I learned to turn a lot of my grief into laughter. When his name was mentioned, I would hide my sadness and carelessly joke about his past and how he would have been today.
There will never be another person on earth that I will love the way I did my brother. He was my idol and my father all in one for many years. I will continue to keep his memory alive through my children and continue to tell them about the wonderful things that their Uncle did while he was on this earth. One day they will understand that when you lose someone, you don’t really have to lose that person, just temporarily say goodbye. We will all see him again one day, and until then, we will keep his memory alive.